The Relationships Course
My hope is that this course will help you understand why problems arise in relationships.
Not such a bright and cheery topic I know, but essential nonetheless.
By understanding why relationships fail, what remains is a simple path towards relationships that works. This course will offer you a dramatically new approach to much of the conventional wisdom.
This course, above all, is practical in nature. It will give you insights you can use immediately.
If you ask the average person “Why is it that your relationships seem challenging?” they might struggle to give a coherent or insightful answer.
They will also, most likely, be unaware of the most likely future pitfalls or mistakes that can arise in relationships.
So, we need to know the terrain. This information is essential and we’re going to look at it all right here in this course.
Things are tough out there in relationship land. Moreover, help is often not enough. Approximately a quarter of couples who receive marriage therapy report that their relationship is worse two years after ending therapy.
Up to 38% of couples who receive marriage therapy get divorced within four years of completing therapy.
Things seem even more daunting when we consider the four types of marriages. 40% of marriages end in divorce. 20% end in separation. Another 20% are still together (perhaps due to obligation) but are unhappy.
And finally, a rather depressingly low 20% are happy in their relationship.
So, with this said, do you only stand a 20% chance of having a happy and fulfilling relationship?
Not at all. In this course we’ll learn that successful relationships are those in which basic, learnable skills are applied. Love itself is a mystery but how love dies is no mystery at all. It’s very predictable once you know how relationships function.
What's the Problem?
So why do relationships end? Very simply put, relationships end when one or both partners fall out of love.
When the deep connection of love ends, the relationship itself needs profound change.
A couple may still feel affection for one another, but without love, the relationship is severely jeopardized. If this condition persists, separation or divorce is highly likely.
Many couples counselling interventions emphasize the importance of ‘good communication’. While this is important, it simply isn’t enough.
People don’t fall in love simply because they are ‘good communicators’. People want to feel genuine love and connection. There's no substitute for this.
How Do Relationships Succeed?
So, what we’re after is the real deal. If you think this is impossible, think again.
Rest assured that there is hope for all couples once the right approach has been identified. Many people who fall out of love, find it again.
How love dies is not a mystery. Partners simply stop doing what worked in the early stages of the relationship. They allow ‘life’ to get in the way. They buy into the Hollywood fiction of love – the happy ever after story.
This, sadly, breeds a toxic and passive approach to relationships. Rather than building and deepening their connection, they slowly start depleting love from the relationship.
This is primarily due to a lack of a skill set. And this skill set is learnable for absolutely anyone. In fact, it isn’t particularly hard to grasp how relationships work or to apply the skill set needed for their smooth functioning.
Video 1. Setting The Goal
What is the goal of this course? Well, it's big. Here, we talk about the problems with many types of traditional couples counselling, and what needs to be added to the 'love equation' to make things work. Good communication, less fighting, are important. But, it's not enough. We're looking for the real deal in this course.
Video 2. Debunking Co-Dependency
This video covers a vital concept: The idea that you are a human being and you have needs. More importantly, we debunk the concept that you need to 'perfect yourself' to have a happy, healthy relationship. The concept of co-dependency came from the addiction community in the 70's. Since then, it has been over-generalized, leading to many unhappy relationships. We look at how vitally important it is to admit to having needs (both yours and your partners).
Video 3. Exactly What You Want
This video gives you a framework for exploring and understanding what the main emotional needs are in a relationship. With this knowledge, you become a far more effective partner. Your self-esteem and confidence as a partner also increases. In a relationship, you need to be consciously aware of what your main emotional needs are. Otherwise, you resort to unconscious and indirect strategies that cause anger and resentment. You also need to know the main emotional needs of your partner or ineffective and frustrating 'mind-reading' starts to take over.
Video 4. Why it Seems Hard to Commit
For a relationship to work, both partners need to be 100% invested. Here, we discover why this can be an issue for some couples and how to reach the place of complete commitment. Essentially, the problem lies in a lack of honest and open conversation (covered in the next session). Many female partners, in particular, feel that lack of complete commitment is an issue. We learn in this session that this is related to the misconception that men and women have the same priorities in terms of emotional needs. Not so!
Video 5. How to be Radically Honest
Honesty and openness are essential in generating connection and passion. In this video we look at how to be radically honest. We discuss how the attempt to spare each others feelings leads to massive problems. We also introduce a process for how to safely discuss any issue/problem with your partner. This process not only allows everything to come out into the open, it also builds feelings of intimacy and attraction.
Video 6. What He Wants
When men don't know their own needs, it causes massive problems in a relationship. Here, we look at the typical emotional needs of men in relationships, and how to meet them. Knowing his needs makes 'mind reading' unnecessary. This will save you so much confusion and frustration with him. For men, this video shows you where you should be giving feedback to your partner. And, make no mistake, feedback is a necessity.
Video 7. What She Wants
Here, we go into detail about the main emotional needs of female partners based on extensive peer-reviewed research. Meeting these emotional needs is not only advisable, it's non-negotiable. Meeting these main emotional needs builds massive love and intimate connection between partners.
Video 8. What to Stop Immediately
Here we talk about the things both partners do that have a detrimental effect on the relationship. These issues should be eliminated in the relationship as quickly as possible. Not all couples have problems with these issues. However, if they are happening, they need to be addressed. Just by stopping these dysfunctional strategies, you'll have a far greater chance to experience genuine connection. We talk about why they happen (emotional needs not being met) and what to do as a healthy alternative.
Video 9. The Plan
Here, we tie everything together. No matter where you are in the beginning, this step by step approach will show you how to build connection and passionate love in your relationship. This is the practical action plan you and your partner can work through together.
Video 10. Infidelity (Avoidance & Recovery)
This session looks at how to avoid infidelity in relationship as well as how to recover from it. We tie this in with some of the main concepts in the course as well as practical strategies that ensure your relationship will remain affair-proof.